It all started with thirty-two contenders trying to vie for MySpace princess Tila “I End Every Sentence with a Question Mark?” Nguyen, aka Tila Tequila’s heart.  The first shock came when Tila announced that she was bisexual, and would pretty much sleep with anything, and what better way to find true love than to have a battle of the sexes on national television?

After many “love-proving” competitions, such as eating bull penises (because Tila’s really a man?), thirty-two became two, and it was down to a guy, Bobby Banhart, and “futch” girl Dani Campbell.  Dani became an instant favorite of the MTV show, as she is pretty much adorable in that teenage emo boy kinda way and seems cool as hell.  Tila still looks like some kinda of bug to me (Mothra, anyone?), but maybe that’s just me.

 The finale kicks off with Tila impressing Dani and Bobby with her “music career,” and she drops it on them that they’re going to have to write their own lyrics to her song.  Bobby sucked, and Dani nailed it.  Would we have had it any other way?

Tila secretly invites Dani’s and Bobby’s families to eat with them.  (”I’m so excited?  Now there’s so much more at stake?  Because it’s their families too?  Let’s eat dessert and get on the stripper poles?”)  Tila shows them her vibrator chandelier because she’s classy like that, and then they all get on the stripper pole and are totally unaffected by how tasteless that is.  What am I talking about?  The girl’s fake last name is a liquor.  And since I don’t call myself “Jebbica Jagermeister,”  I guess I just can’t relate.  But I digress.

Decision time:  “This is such a tough decision?  I don’t know who I’m gonna choose?  I like Bobby?  And I like Dani?  I like everything that moves?”

 She picks Bobby.  We all win. We’ll get a Tila Tequila 2, and they’ll give Dani her own show! 

I’m still hoping Tila Tequila will hook up with Bret Michaels for a new show:  Skank of Love!

Dani forever!

 Click on thumbnails to enlarge more photos of Tila, Dani, and Bobby.

Photo Source:  MySpace 

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